Pardon the circumlocutive digression of this note. You see, I'm trying hard to catch up with the incessant bombardments of irrepressible excitement, uncontainable impatience and rhapsodical restlessness. I've typed, editted, erased and re-written fragments of sentences in a vain attempt to capture in words what my heart's been overflowing with. Here goes...!
Seven years to heat.
Five months to simmer.
Eleven days to bring to boil.
And faith to take my life off the flickering stove and into the bonfire that has been fuelled constantly over the years but lacked that one spark.
I quit my job.
Since I graduated from school in 2000, I've rambled along the beaten path, in the hope of the much-touted exuberance that the impending milestones promise. I've touched some of those milestones but never tasted the excitement that most of my peers seem to be enthralled and enticed with. After a year of absorbing the thrills and trials of corporate life, I went to business school hoping for the revival of the once-stupendous student in me and the remodelling of the introspective ambitious self. I've made the most of the two years - and needless to say, my fondest memories are as distant from the mainstream as I've always been warned against.
Five months into my grand post-MBA job had me suppressing some scalding thoughts. From one perspective, it was all perfect - a lovely team, a convenient work-schedule, little work and free-flowing internet connectivity to while away time. Yet I found it difficult to get out of bed every morning. My life was uninspiring and that's all that mattered. Hang on, I told myself.
Blessed with eleven days off from work, I ran up to the familiar cradles of my life's fondest memories with open arms. The green expanses of Chandigarh's gardens and the rejuvenating fatigue of walking through the winding tree-laden roads of Shimla convinced me to stop hanging on and let go. Right away.
I went to work knowing exactly why I did. For a change, I knew exactly what I wanted out of the day. For a change, I let faith overpower logic. For the first time, I jumped off the cliff, unclenched my fists and stretched my arms to soak in the free-wheeling fall.
The Big Bang Theory had been proven right - once again. Let me explain. Our universe is believed to have begun as an infinitesimally small, infinitely hot, infinitely dense "singularity". Singularities are zones thought to exist at the core of "black holes." Black holes are areas of intense gravitational pressure so intense that finite matter is actually squished into infinite density. After its initial appearance, it apparently inflated (the "Big Bang"), expanded and cooled to the size and temperature of our current universe.
I've felt the intense gravitational pressure of hereby suppressed (and probably, therefore, squished into infinite density)brazenfaced cravings to break free. The lump of these urges has been stirred and heated over time to gain the inescapable gravitational pressure of a black hole. I've reached a stage where every minute of my life seems to have fallen past its "event horizon". Memories of the past, thoughts about the present and dreams about the future seem to be warped inwards to the centre of this black hole. I'd no reason to not give in - nothing from the outside world seemed to pull me back as I took a deep breath before I jumped into this abysmal emptiness that promises the discovery of my universe.
I stand at the threshold of another new chapter of my life - this time with the sails blowing with the winds of my whims and the oars paddling with the infectious vigour of my soaring dreams. I'm a jumble of excitement and impatience to unravel everything that this abyss can. I may lose my way, but the experiment and the adrenaline surge that come with it seem worth the risks. Life promises only moments of deja vu, not retracing your foot-steps in the wild. As a token of rememberance, I wish to capture each significant step of this journey in this blog. These are really notes to myself about the brick and mortar that the black hole consumes to build me the castle of my cosmos.
I'm playing with fire, I know. But I'm also aglow with its warmly tingling gleam.
With my seat-belt fastened and fingers crossed,
Roopika
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